“What we think, we become” – Buddha This quote is what I lead my life with every day.

                             Recently I experienced a break up of a long term relationship. We were together for 3 years. He was very caring, bought me gifts, and was always complimentary.

How you become a strong person

Care and Share

Hindsight is always 20/20, and looking back I can see the red flags, and even during the relationship, I was aware of them as well. I always chose to ignore them for the simple fact that I adored him and his companionship.

                             Some of those red flags were more of annoyances. He would come and go at random times with no reasoning for why he did. We never spent the holidays together either.

These flags turned into a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. It is probably obvious to tell in hindsight with these sorts of flags, but I soon would find out that he was cheating. To make matters worse I would find out that he was not cheating on me with just one other woman, but two other women.

Each of us was under the impression we were his exclusive partner, so when we found out about each other and eventually met, you can imagine what happened from there.

How you become a strong person

                             It was a painful time to go through, but I realized through it all that I deserved better than him. I, of course, wallowed in self-pity for a few days, trying to make sense of the past 3 years. Then, I picked myself up and began to work on myself. Through this I made a plan that I believe can also help others make it through any type of breakup.

                             The first part is making a “Wellbeing Journal”. In this journal whenever you have feelings come up about the breakup, instead of wallowing in them, write them out, reflect on why you feel them, then write yourself a positive affirmation.

                             The next is learning the practice of forgiveness. Forgiveness is good for the mind and the soul.

You must first forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for any of those times where you thought or felt that it was all your fault.

This does not erase the pain but is meant for you to recognize you should not be beating up yourself.

You also need to forgive your former partner, holding onto any sort of grudge or resentment does nothing but continue to harm yourself.

                             In your Journal you will also need to write out what red flags were in the relationship, especially those that contributed to or lead to the breakup. Reflect on how you can recognize them in the future, and if you do, how you feel comfortable addressing them.

                             You will also change your mindset to that of a Positive Mind. Positive minds create positive people, actions, and thoughts. This does not mean you cannot have negative thoughts, just that when you do redirect that energy to positive thoughts.

Think about what you are grateful for, who you are happy to have in your life, and the blessings you have been given.

                             Build yourself up with personal development. Go take that sewing class you wanted to do, go to a paint night with friends, try out that new work out routine, just do something new that you will enjoy and ideally learn something from. Growing yourself is always important to do and continue to work on.

How you become a strong person

                             The next is very important and always over simplified; self care. Self care is different for everyone, and this is what makes you happy and feel good.

Do not just wallow in pity and do nothing, do something everyday that you love. Take that nice warm bubble bath, that scenic hike, or that splurge at the fancy morning coffee shop.

How you become a strong person:

                             You will need to cultivate and grow your willpower. All of this is going to take lots of your own self to get going. You will need to motivate yourself, whether that be self gifts for when you finish that sewing class or a morning mantra to get you going and motivated for the day.

                             Meditation is a wonderful practice to get into if you are not already. There are many guided meditation apps and videos that you can use. Start out with a simple five minute meditation each morning or night and work up from there.

Another form of meditation that is great is listening to binaural beats as you go to sleep. Not only is it a great practice but it helps you if you have issues falling or staying asleep.

            Mindfulness is the practice of staying in the moment. When you feel your mind drifting into negativity, be aware and concentrate on staying in the moment of where you are at the present time.

How you become a strong person:

                             Finally, gratitude, listing in your journal who and what you are grateful for and reflecting on that daily helps orientate your mindset to always be aware of how blessed you are even when you feel down.

                             Through focusing on yourself and using these practices and steps you will realize how much of an incredible person you are, despite your hardships. You will see that you always deserve the best. You will be able to set positive goals for yourself and meet them, you will be empowered in your best self, and realize that you are a positive force in this universe. We all deserve positive and affirming relationships with others, but especially ourselves.

             I suggest the book Positive Psychology by Bridget Grenville-Cleave. This is a great help in getting you into a positive Mindset, overcome unhappiness, gain resilience and discover your strengths. Available on Amazon.

In much gratitude to all. How you become a strong person

Roxanne B DavidsonCertified Relationship and Wellbeing Coach

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