First to look in the mirror and to know that the whole world knows you failed, that is one thing, to be at work and see that everyone is talking about you, just not with you, that is the hard part. To know that others could have helped and to know that I myself one time did this, made me feel bad, and I have to write and apologize, in a humble way.
Facts are that I did not see that I was so wrong and that I was doing the wrong thing. I am facing new time and things are taking a completely different direction.
What skills was it that I did not contain, what could I have done better to achieve an outcome that would have been good for the role that I process. Reading this you need to be aware of that I failed, I did not make it and I am out. So from reading this, you will not hear about success and victory, you will get an understanding of, what I thought and what my intention was and you will get an understanding of what not to do. This is what, not to do, and for you, it may be very obvious, what one should have done – this comment I look so much forward to seeing and I look forward to adding time to this.
I am in procurement, and procurement has for a number of years, been driving the content to the result and the journey that this content is on. The journey for best practice is far from over and there are many topics to solve. New Manager comes in under Sales and all changes, Procurement is out, the procurement way is out. Is there something wise in that or is what is it.
I failed big time,
I failed for me a provider for my family and I failed in my way of using my skills best way.
Let’s start with me as a person, can you be in a position where you are to work indirect procurement and have the board of management against you, looking back it, no this is an impossible situation. There was never a fair chance or a wish to make what it took, this what a phase and simple way to keep head quarters happy in a simple way.
Let’s look at me as a person, my skills within procurement are good, I would say over average and my ability in a creative way to create results is above average.
So what took it to this phase where I am out of a job.
One thing ∇
I did take my trouble to my boss, I did tell him the trouble that I was facing, and I did involve him in my frustrations in tasks and content that I did not have skills to manage. I thought that I need to deliver results and when we had set a goal that was the most important thing to keep the promise and deliver the result. In ways, I was afraid of him. Scared not to deliver and to fail.
Second thing ∇
I failed big time, I did not hear when he said, to collaborate over results, that he had a management team for which it was much more important to ensure the result than my small trouble spend.
Out-come today is exactly the outcome that he wanted, and had I listened to what he said that Procurement is not on reporting slides 100 and therefore not important I should have let it go, just let it be, knowing that he was talking the whole basis and foundation out of my job, with a smile on his face.
The outcome today, is just as he wanted it to be, and I was in between.
To report to a CEO that has no interest in your area and the content that you bring to the meeting, and where you know when you enter the door, you are a waste of time, makes one, where one is me, very nervous, what did I do, I tried different ways to make it interesting, I tried to make it good and keep my goals, and make no mistakes. Well as you now know this is not what happened and what I manage to do.
Change in roles and understanding of who does what, out of the perspective from the management group with no consideration to what headquarter has of guidelines. To be in a role in between and having no support from management makes the role unclear and of less importance. No one will do or follow the guidelines given from headquarter, they are a letter received for the draw.
Letting go of what you have been working so hard to achieve and being cut off, just before the real success is about to elope, seeing a board manager take over, smart as dime going about it, and there you are, a content and a task you have been working on for 5 years all gone, and on top of this with no support from your boss, even with the note that I was not a good loyal employee.
I did not hear the missing support, the way I should have, the content and the structure of what I did change and there was nothing I could do when management has set a guideline, that is what you follow even though that the guidelines from headquarter are differently. You should never ever not follow your manager’s advice and wish. That the challenge
The eight thing∇
Knowing that a good job, where most of the content was what I liked very much, I can say that I did manage to destroy something permanently because I was temporally upset. One should be able to take the consequences of one’s own doings, never ask a question you do not know the answer to when you are among people like this.
The ninth thing∇
Letting go of all the years of struggling that is the hard part, knowing that it was all wrong and that I should have left years ago, this is right it feels so right and yet it is still so hard to face, knowing that I tried and tried and at the end, I failed.
The tenth thing∇
I will have to live with the fact that all the effort and all the doings were for nothing, in all of this there were nothing in it for me.
But – most important I learned so much these last 3 weeks,
First of all, never build the content or the task, build yourself
I adapted myself in too many ways were too nice and did so much to achieve the outcome. I did too much,
Doing too much for someone else is always wrong, I did misunderstand what I was being paid for. The one with the money in the hand is the one with the power, and the sooner we understand that, and the better we understand how to accomplice that, the further we get to go.
I did not build myself, I was not the good colleague that did what the boss wanted, I looked at what the content need in order to succeed and be good, best in class.
The rules and the dilemma∇
There is no content or task that can go above management. That why companies go down because the gap to the employees get too wide and they leaders lose touch with the ground.
That is how you take the creativity out of your employees and make them do what you say, not what is right.
Why would you not like to hear the opinion of your employees, is this not what we are paid to do, tell what we experience and try to make even more money for the company that we work at.
Why do they want us to be these problem free workers that do not ask the question and looks at the why’s for improvements and understanding? We are not a computer with 0 1 0000 1 we are humans and we are humans dealing with humans.
Our business is the people we are, and that is the most important thing a company has, the people that work there. That is also why we have a code of conducts and why it gets more and more important to the company where you work, that there is an alliance between what you do, and what you say, not only in your work hours but in your free time too.
Things are transparent and we like to compare and feel that we are among other people that are like us, and think like us. That’s why you need to build yourself, it is what and how you manage to take yourself through the situations.
It is how you created your way, and how others see’s your face. I lost my way for all the wrong reasons, why would I ever strive so hard to make something happen, where there was nothing in it for me except lose.
The∇- GAP – ∇ – tool analysis make it visible for you∇
Huge mistake and what should I have done, looked at the gap and build myself, had I used my person the right way I could have taken myself out of the task and had nothing, but I would have had my job. So the gap is the time when we now, when to build up ourselves and when to let the content go.
That’s why the management is so not smiling, when they are among employees and smiling their fake smiles to each other, and the bad tone underneath.
The gap is in the content
The gap is among the persons
The gap is something that we see and feel strong and we are fortuned because we see it early and the sooner and faster we react to the gap the wiser we are.
I should have used the gap analysis when the difference raised I did not use the be life tool there is to understand when there is a gap. That the gap is my gap solely.
This is my responsibility, this is my life and I am the one that needs to rise, this is not something that happened to me, this is happening for me. Would I have had this to write about, and learned what how to go about when a gap rises if I had not been through this?
There is no way that I can change what has happened and there is no return to a good relation between the involved. There is nothing wrong, the road is dividing and I would really within myself wished that I had handled the process better. It did not have to come to this. They did say nicely, you are not invited for the next journey.
Lesson learned – the GAP tool would have shown me earlier∇
What is important to me is NEXT time I face that my life’s journey is not in line or balance with my own line and way of outcome. I will try to influence one time and then when I try again, I will need to let it go.
Once fooled shame on them, twice fooled shame on you – yes this is my mistake and for me to correct for me.
As I sit here writing and feeling sorry for myself that I failed, I feel hope within, hope that I can now find a good job, where what I can do matters, where I can do things that make a difference for the right reasons.
This is my chance I have a chance to try a new way, use my skills for what is important to me sustainability, quality and doing what is right. This I have missed for so long, working with people. I feel hope and spirit inside and I feel the light coming to me. This is a transformation process and my new living is out there, all I must do is find it. I know, I can do it.
I know in 2 or 3 years’ time when I go back and look at this blog, I will properly not even remember because I will have started and are part of something that is so much better for ME.
I hope, that you will find your way better than I did, I hope I now know that the GAP tool is powerful to use because this GAP I knew 7 months ago, and I could have done so much better. Now I know, and I will use it. Because that makes things happen the right way for ME.
Cross finger for me, that I can source and find the job that I am seeking. I cross my finger that this has helped you in know, that failing is about learning. Learning how far you are willing to let your own outcome be compromised, and I can tell you. I let my own life border be crossed, stamped and twisted. Now I can breathe, I feel free, I feel my own spirit.
This is for ME and I thank you.
Using the GAP TOOL – it is powerful
If you feel a GAP is rising I can only recommend using the GAP tool early in the phase, write it down, see where the difference is and know where you yourself is heading that is the only solely responsibility you have. You depend on your performance and so does your family.
Take care and live life to the fully.