By Maggie Berberian
When we endure a painful loss just know that it’s not your fault. We have to live with the what ifs and regrets. Our grief is not meant to be analyzed, it’s meant to be felt. These stages of grief listed below are not linear. Each individual is different when it comes to how they go through grief.
Stages of Grief:
Denial: When a person has a difficult time coming to terms with the outcome of a diagnosis or loss that occurred. When in denial a person will continue to believe the more preferable outcome, using thoughts to justify and holding on to what they believe is reality.
Anger: When a griever comes to terms with the loss they become angry. Frustration, fear and confusion fuel the anger as they struggle to come to terms with, “Why is this happening to me?”
Bargaining: Bargaining is when the griever tries to find ways around the outcome. When grieving a death the griever will try to bargain by promising something, to change, or to reform.
Depression: As the griever stops trying to fight the outcome of the situation overtime you fall into a state of despair. In this state of depression grievers will show symptoms of isolation, crying, loss of appetite, and feeling emotionally numb.
Acceptance: At this stage the griever comes to embrace the reality and finality of what has happened.
Death of a loved one
Death of a Pet
Change of Residence
Common Responses when Grieving:
Changes in Appetite
Emotional Roller Coaster
Unresolved Grief Symptoms:
Refusing to think about or talk about grief
Preoccupation with grief
Fear of thought and feelings
Isolation and avoiding relationships
Overindulgence in distractions.
The Importance of a Thriving Action Plan:
Those experiencing unimaginable losses can easily feel stuck in a negative place. Isolation prolongs grief. Get the support of your coach and your own definition of a higher power, whether it’s God, the Universe, or your Angels to help guide you and if you wholeheartedly want to create your best life, I highly recommend having a thriving action plan. I believe that no single person, book, incident, or thought is enough to assist you from such darkness into the light of the life you dream about. It’s not as challenging as you may think. You deserve the wonderful life you are meant to have.
Implementing a thriving action plan can give you a comforting hope that can embrace you while finishing your plan because your soul knows you’re taking the necessary steps in making changes that are good for you. By focusing on the best memories you shared with your loved ones rather than the pain it can help liberate you.
Action Planning Steps
An unimaginable loss shouldn’t hold you back from living your best life. You are not broken. The pain reflects your capacity for love, and you weren’t meant to torture yourself forever by the loss. Picture yourself immersed in a life you love. Take the first small step and outline your plan now!
Changing Subconscious Thought:
Examples of thoughts people experience after a loss:
I feel dead inside
Why did this have to happen?
Will I ever be happy again?
Life is hard
Why are people so heartless?
How will I go on?
It is helpful to be aware and note the source of your thinking pattern. Note the constructive thought and replace it with a new constructive information needed, because the thought doesn’t serve you or seem possible.
For instance, here are some examples on how to reword the way you are speaking:
- Life is impermanent and I’m meant to fully live after losing a loved one
- It makes sense that I feel empty and anxious at times because of everything I have been through, but I will live in the present moment where there is a great place to feel great peace and joy.
- I must not try so hard to understand why certain things happen in life, so I will not spend my precious energy looking for answers I will not find. I am fully present in the present moment.
When you have old constructive thoughts, don’t fight them. Let them come and recognize it as a habit from your subconscious mind. As soon as possible focus on the constructive thought and action you noted to replace the unconstructive thought or use one of the other ways to refocus.