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What outcome do you want from your communication,
what would like to achieve, what would like that would be different from today, how would like to feel with the communication you are having, what do you need in order to get the communication that you see as giving, eye opening, equal and a communication that you would be proud of.
10 ways to improve or work your communication
Where in your communication will things stop today?
do they stop at the same point every time or does the varies from time to time or do you see a pattern?
In your communication, what is your outcome, do you ever think of the outcome that you have. Reading this you must have a wish to have a different outcome of the communication that you have today, do you get through?
Are we talking about communication between you and your husband, wife, partner, your children, your teenage children, your step children, your colleagues, your boss, your employees, or your family your mother, father, brother, sister or your step family? How do you communicate with them and how do you find your outcome? Do you see yourself as a winner or loser in the communications that you have? Do you find that you always have the same role, or that you end in up in the same situation every time? Or even that the communications that you have does not make any difference at all, you just move further apart or you do not speak the same language?
Are you frustrated?
And do not know how to move forward or even go back where does the communication that you have leave you today – feeling maybe even alone, taking a trip with the roller coaster going through all the things you are not good at, or why the situation is like it is.
So how can you improve it?
Good question, below are some of the first step and there are many more so please add to the list, if you see more step – more opportunities?
Below is just some of the things that you can do.
Within NLP we believe in report,
This means that we turn in on the other person we are talking to, we try to match the person, that we are communicating with, within NLP we use report and matching to create a level a same level through our language of body, language of talk, language of tone, language of voice, the speed of our language, and the language we use, we try to match the other person so that each one of you or us get the same feeling, feeling of acceptance, feeling with no judgement, you trust the person you are in front of, you take down your barriers and open up, you are open to listen, you are open to talk with no judgement feeling accepted and alike. This is a process that you have to work on, so with every person you stand in front of you, start by paying attention and seeking the report and the matching. Look at the way the other person is reacting and you follow, you do this to get the good communication that you are seeking, in order to be understood. Use the frame, first seek to understand, then seek to be understood.
Trust the other person, try to tune in on where they are, what they are feeling and why they are doing what they do, remember we all do the best we can.
So if you are asking more than this person is capable of, you will see this very soon when you pay attention and you see, hear, listen and feel, the person you are communicating with. (There is a lot to read about NLP report and matching and this alone is a journey that we can come back to later)
When you have the report and matching in place
You know where you are and where the other person is, you can also see if the communication is going in the direction you would like it to. Depending on who you opponent is whether it is family, children, stepchildren, work relatives or your boss, you can push the communication in the direction that you would like, you can influence it, this you can do with the questions you ask, remember that the questions you ask opens doors and closes doors, so make sure that the questions that you ask are going in the direction that you would like, and if there is something that you do not want to talk about, make sure that you do not ask questions in that direction or ask questions that will take you in that direction. You need to think steps ahead and you need to know what you are willing to talk about and what you are not willing to talk about and how you will reach if there come communications in this area, how will you in a good way get out of it?
You need to stay aware, you need to have the awareness to be calm and keep the communication at an open level. Where you are on good basis all the time, where the report is never broken. Once it is broken it is very difficult to come back.
For the communication to be good you need to be focused on the other person
and really listen, really listen to what the other person is saying or really listen to what the other person is not saying, where is the person’s focus, what is he, she trying to say? Or walk around, and if she or he is trying to walk around it, how can you talk about it without bringing it up. You can never brake report you can never go out of line, you must be tolerant, patient and willing to not get the result, when you want it, and as you want it, there are many ways to the same outcome, there are many different success stories, and facts is for you the most important one is, having a good communication with the person you are talking to. You will need to let go of your own outcome in the first step you will need to listen and really listen. Your question must under no circumstances feel like an attack or accuse mend if the person in which you are in dialog with feels that the trust, honesty goes away through the loss of report, you will have lost the opportunity to have a good communication with a good outcome. Their communication you have been to clarify or an eye opener, a wake up call, your communication is to be so good and great that the other persons cannot stop talking to you, wants to tell you all, feel meet, feel your awareness, your calmness, your open minded, you have the trust of the other person.
Believing yourself, listen to the other person,
Be in the moment, be where you are, be aware, be present, do active listen, sit right, keep your mind active listening. Practice to be in the moment with the one you are talking to and never let go. Be natural be at peace, or if this does not make sense to you, let us look at what not to do, do not think about other things, do not take your mind elsewhere and think about the things you are going to do, or forgot to do, do not judge the person no matter what, remember this is their story, their life, this has nothing to do with you, keep you mind in the present, do not think at past communications, do not criticize, do not correct, or change if there is something you think that is different, make a choice and think about what is most relevant to keep the good communication or for you to be right, remember, there is a saying, it is better to have right than get it right. Believe, listen, really listen be present.
- Let the other person unfold the story,
Use the time that is needed, remember to stay strong and do not interrupt, let the other person talk, it takes time for the other person to test you to see if you are real, if the report that you have created is real, if you are present if you are what the other person is feeling, the person wants to know if you are real. This can take time and normal is above 5 minutes or more, and during this time you cannot interrupt if you do so then all is lost, then you will need to start over, and this opportunity again takes time because the person will not go in with the same open mind as the first time, therefore it is must better for each one of us to stay focused on having a good open communication with each person we talk to or communicate with.
Use your body, use your smile, use your eyes,
Those are the visible, things that the person in front of you can see and are looking at. They pay so much attention to themselves that most of the time what they see, is if they have eye contact with you if they want, if you smile at them if they smile at you, if you sit or stand so that your body is facing or open to them. There needs to be trust, honesty, faith, awareness, believes, presents, and understanding shown from all of you. It does not matter that you say one thing, but your body says something else. Keep the focus, remember it is you that want better communication and it is for you and for you alone.
This will make you feel better, this will take you to places you want to be and go.
Know your outcome and stick with it, know that yourself,
Trust you and be calm, listen, have you ever noticed that the people that have the time to hear what others say and repeat what has just been said, in more or less the same words are the ones we trust, they understand us, so when you want to improve your communication at work use the words your colleagues are using, have the time to listen to their story and the way they see the world, take your time. Wait and do not say anything before you have listened to everyone, and then pick a little from each one of them. To improve communication at work is not about having 2 or 3 people like you a lot, it is about having a lot of people liking you a little, just like being a president, it is not about you, me likes the person in all aspects is about being able to accept and understand a bit just so much so you vote. This is exactly the same with communication. Do not use work for your personal opinion or meaning of life. Use work to understand what takes you the places you want to be. Learn from today, and take today knowledge and use it tomorrow.
Listen and listen that is the hard part,
when we are aware of that we are all different we know that even though we say something that we top of mind thinks, I understand this, and even better if you do, even so ask because here you have a chance of being wise and doing the right thing. Use a good attitude and bring good light to the subject, remember no one wants to be below the surface, we all want to be on the right track getting to the place where we think we belong in life. So we are all travelers and we all seek the awareness and knowledge that will give us the outcome we are seeking.
At the end of the day, what really matters is that we had a good impact on what took place at work, that we were among the once that did things for the better. We were among the once that made a difference.